The Difference Between Spying and Using Brute Force
by brocca
Summary: James and Lily have finally gotten together, though Lily fights for the relationship to remain a secret. She starts behaving strangely, and James makes it his mission to find out why. His discovery is frightening and he makes it his mission to protect her when he realizes that she won't be allowing him to change her mind. Meanwhile, Sirius is harboring secrets of his own.


**A/N: I write too much Jily. I know. This first chapter is pretty short, but only because I was really excited and wanted to get something uploaded. I'll try my best to keep up with it. As always, reviews would be very nice, and enjoy. :D**

She told me I didn't have a chance. She told me twice. She wrapped her soft, ivory hands around mine, kissed my lips and whispered, "You don't have a chance, Potter." She said it dreamily and tacked a smile onto the end in the way of punctuation. We were in an abandoned little room, what had probably once been a broom closet, and the only light came from the glow of two wands clasped each in a sweaty palm. It was just the two of us there in the semi-darkness. It had begun to feel like that more and more often-like the world around Lily and I shifted and changed at a constant rate, but not the world beneath us. There the world held its breath and remained as still as death, allowing us to exist in each other and build a universe of our own for the moment. Though no one would have heard us because that part of the castle was abandoned and we had cast sound-eliminating charms just in case, we whispered to preserve the sacred air of the place.

I squeezed her hands tight and pressed them into my chest, taking one step closer to her. "I used to think so, Evans," I breathed. "Honestly. You were very clear about your hatred for me and my friends."

"My friends and me," she corrected me.

"And my poor grammar, as I am not only a toerag but an ignorant cod." She nodded in agreement, though a playful grin sat on her face. "But I've noticed your behavior around me lately." One perfectly shaped eyebrow rose on her forehead. "I do believe you've fallen for my great abundance of wit, charm, and handsome features." Lily giggled a beautiful giggle, which was quite unlike her, but pleasant all the same. Lily had become quite vulnerable during our broom closet conversations, which she referred to as trists but which I liked to refer to as playtime. (She said it had a sexual connotation. I pretended to be innocently unaware of that and continued to use the word in casual conversation. Lily is adorable when she's annoyed.) She dropped the barrier of sarcasm and spitfire temper in favor of a more innocent version of herself. She giggled more and let more emotions than anger, joy, and stress travel across her features. She cried occasionally and told stories about herself that chipped away the image of who I had believed her to be to reveal a much softer, more troubled version of herself. I loved her more for it.

"You're mental. I've nothing but disgust and loathing for you."

"Oi. I love it when you talk dirty to me." We both laughed, then Lily pushed our hands out to the side and stepped into me. She laid her cheek against my chest and gave a gentle sigh. I wrapped my arms around her waist loosely. She put her hands on my hips. Every surface of my body that touched hers felt warm and sent shocks of excitement through me. It was a familiar sort of thrill.

"We should go. We've got an exam in Potions," she murmured. I nodded, but we stood there together for a long time afterward, clinging to the holy feeling we had found together. She smelled like apples and cinnamon. Finally, I kissed her forehead and we parted ways. I took a longer, more elaborate route to class. We could not be seen arriving to class together. I, particularly, could not be seen arriving on time.

The second time was several weeks later. We met less and less often, but we were also fighting publicly less frequently. She had even sat with Remus, Peter, and I-Sirius had not yet sauntered downstairs for the day-one Sunday morning for breakfast. I made her laugh once. It gave me a distinct sense of accomplishment, but the look of embarrassment from her afterward was unsettling.

Thatafternoo t, Sirius and I were sitting together on the lake. It was still early in the year, and summer had already fallen away and left spring in its place. The day was lovely, but I wasn't taking any notice. I had been worrying myself all day over that look. Lily had been toying with my emotions since the start of the year when we had met to discuss Head things and she, apparently won over by my newfound ability to take anything seriously, had pushed me against a wall, out of sight of the window, and snogged me silly before returning to her compartment. I hadn't thought anything of it, oddly. It had just seemed natural.

But now I felt the sick, gutted fear of someone about to fall to their death from a rather tall cliff. It seemed that I might have lost her, but I hadn't the faintest what I'd done wrong. I had agreed, against my better judgment and unwillingness to lie to my mates, to keep our relationship a secret. I had tried in earnest to give her all of the space she desired even though the brevity of the thing ripped me apart.

I told myself that I was thinking too much. Or, I trued to. But the more I didn't think about it, the more I felt the need to make a bold move. Something to win her over and make whatever we had public. Public seemed good at the time. She couldn't reject me publicly. Not again. Not after everything we'd shared.

I spotted a flash of red hair whipping about in the wind. I murmured something brief at Sirius who wasn't paying much attention anyway. I wish I had taken the time to really look and notice who she was with before walking over, hands in my pocket and leaning over her shoulder to ask, "Have you always been so beautiful, Lil?" My instincts screamed at me to make it a quiet, intimate inquiry, but I was strategizing, not romancing. I spoke loud enough that my voice would carry. Sure enough, people were staring dutifully.

I was too busy noticing the crowd to take note of Lily's reaction, honestly. I had confidence that she was smiling. Maybe blushing a little, but smiling. I was, naturally, very wrong.

"Excuse me?" Lily rose from her spot on the ground to face me, wand clutched tightly in an angry fist. The other hand was on her hip-her beautiful, rounded hip-and she was glaring at me. I faltered a moment, caught off guard by her cold tone and the lack of the usual playful secretiveness that usually lurked behind those beautiful green gems she called eyes whenever we fought nowadays. She was sincere. I frowned and put my hands up defensively. "Who the hell gave you permission to speak to me like that?" Her question lacked the customary humor and wit. There was only a ferocity I neither expected nor understood.

"Lily? Would you like this problem taken care of?" Evan Rosier stood and stepped to Lily's left all in one smooth movement. It was more slinky and snake-like than graceful. I narrowed my eyes at him. Before I could so much as think of a curse or a hex, though, a much nastier villain moved to stand at her right.

"Run along, Potter. She's entirely too pretty for you." Sirius's cousin dragged a long nail under Lily's chin, her devilish grin hovering close to Lily's cheek. Lily recoiled, but only slightly. "Perhaps you should have a go at someone more your speed. That chubby sidekick of yours, maybe?" This received a chuckle from Rosier and a few surrounding Slytherins. Most everyone on the grounds had abandoned whatever they were doing to come and watch the confrontation.

From beside me, Sirius said smoothly, "Perhaps you ought to have a go at someone more your speed, cousin. The scum at the bottom of the lake, maybe? Or the rotting corpse of an innocent little hare, even." The remark evoked a vile glare from Bellatrix.

"You are no relation of mine," she drawled darkly.

"Just leave us alone," Lily managed, in a choked voice. She sounded as though she were struggling with something. Something very powerful.

"But, Lily-"

"I mean it, Potter." Her scowl deepened. "You don't have a chance." It sounded like a warning more than a rejection, and out of place in the conversation. She turned away from me and, together, she, Rosier, and Bellatrix walked into the castle. Rosier's arm was around her shoulder. The sight made me sick to my stomach.

I was too shocked to speak, much less move. Since when was Lily hanging out with the most evil gang of Slytherins in school? And since when was I not allowed to speak to her? Something very strange was happening at Hogwarts. But we had patrol duty together that night, and I planned to make it my mission to find out exactly what was happening.


End file.
